Life’s in the details. Details overflow each day and, oftentimes, it’s the unexpected ones that can grow to enormous importance if given a chance to be noticed. At times I get caught up in seemingly inconsequential details, like a perpetual awareness for when the entryway rug needs to be vacuumed; however, I also pride myself on keying in to life-giving details, like appreciating the bird songs that fill the early morning hours. Some details have the power to transport me, like when the smell of pine trees brings to mind memories I had completely forgotten or how hearing a song brings me back to a moment of laughter shared with a loved one who has since passed away. Sometimes the details are in the small moments that pass by without celebration, such as realizing that my kids have been playing together for over an hour without a single fight. When I take a moment, oftentimes it’s details that flood my awareness, whether anticipation of a future experience, a focus on the present moment or a reflection on a past memory.

One afternoon this past summer, I looked out the backyard window where my kids and their neighbor friends were playing together and noticed two additional kids who I didn’t recognize. When my son came into the house a little later, I inquired if he had introduced himself and found out their names. He responded, “No, we’re just having fun playing together!” I was a little taken aback. How do you not know their names? I wondered to myself. Isn’t a name an essential detail about a person? And yet, to kids, it is not. The most important detail is having fun with a new playmate. Or, often, my kids will key into details they think others find important. They know I am always concerned about their health, so during a recent visit to the library, my daughter came over to me, “I made a new friend! She has pink eye but she’s wearing a mask so it’s OK!” (an announcement she shared so loudly that several nearby parents overheard and chuckled awkwardly). Observing the details that resonate with my kids got me thinking about the details that fill daily life.

The biggest difference I noticed between the way I experience details compared to the way my kids do, is they seem to spend a lot of their time focused on the details in the present moment. While I do appreciate many present-moment details, I realized I often focus on all the details yet to come. I love getting completely involved in planning and preparing upcoming details. I will create lengthy lists which fully articulate all the important details of the anticipated project or experience. I’m constantly making sure everything is just so, just right, all lined up. I feel an inexplicable urge to be organized and have a plan in order to move forward with…well, pretty much anything and everything in my life. Admittedly, I can get a little preoccupied with details when it comes to the task of daily living. One of the reasons I love spelling out the details is that it gives me a sense of control. I figure that if I can research, plan, and consider as many details as possible, I’ll set myself up for the best chance of success. Of course, we all know the reality surrounding best-laid plans; for example, my very organized, highly anticipated, detail planned afternoon starting seeds for the garden with my kids, which went awry when they immediately lost interest. But, once the sting of disappointment passed, I had a chance to reflect and realize that’s how even the most organized experiences often unfold: in a completely unexpected manner. And, so many details are found in the unexpected.

Despite an increasing awareness of the unpredictability in life, and knowing that detailed planning doesn’t always lead to anticipated results, I still often find myself completely absorbed in planning for the future and anticipating the details of moments and milestones yet to occur. Apparently I’m not quite ready to let go of my future-details habit. What I am trying to better accept is that unexpected detours will of course come along and either inhibit or completely prevent the anticipated experience. And while I can’t anticipate and fully prepare for the disappointment when the changes require a pivot to a new route, I am learning to acknowledge the disappointment but not allow it to derail the new details found in the moment.

Life is full of opportunities to accept the reality that there is so little any of us has control over. Often, both unfulfilled future details as well as memories of unexpected past details have an intense, at times contradictory, impact. Several months ago, I began to navigate a painful journey of grief. Through the weeks, details of hopes for what the future was supposed to have held continued to flood my mind. It’s those details of the anticipated hopes that will never be experienced that have been a particularly bitter aspect of the grieving journey. Conversely, it has been remembering the details of shared moments of laughter and connection that have helped me in my grief. And, the details of past memories and new future hopes that have helped ground the new reality. This recent journey has provoked a renewed awareness of details and the importance of centering my mind by remembering details of past moments while also noticing and appreciating the often unexpected details that constantly unfold around me. Life, after all, is in the details.

Wendi is co-author of The Unexpected Ever Afters blog and enjoys sipping extra hot coffee, sharing a love of reading with her kids, and exploring bike trails.

photo credit: personal photos