It’s interesting how challenging it is to start writing again after a blogging break.  For me, the experience feels similar to starting an old car on a winter day: My writing gears appear stuck, my words are frozen, I type and delete in a sputtering way, just hoping my writing engine will soon turn over.  If I remain frozen, my post would have to end here.  “Hello dear readers, sorry I no longer know how to write. Have a great day.” Wouldn’t that just be the worst welcome back from a break post?  

Now that I think about it, that is part of the problem.  This is my first post back after our fall break and there is a certain amount of internal pressure to make it worthwhile.  Just the word “break” implies I had extra time over the past month.  This extra time could have lent itself to profound thoughts and writing creativity.  And yet, if I did have extra time, I am not sure what happened to it.  It sure didn’t produce any particularly profound or creative writing prompts.  It did, however, create internal pressure to write something great, which has only contributed further to my writer’s block.  

The truth is, my fall has been packed with non-writing activities.  Our fun, adventure-filled summer, came to an end as my kids started another school year and my husband and I settled into our new work routines.  Along with the new season came a plethora of unknowns as we navigated new teachers, classrooms, and expectations for the kids, as well as the start of their fall extracurricular activities.  All of the details, schedule changes, questions and possible answers, continuously bounced around my brain, creating a level of exhaustion I didn’t quite expect. At one point this weekend, I turned to my husband and exclaimed, “My brain is too full!”  He lovingly responded by saying, ”You need to calm down.”  Spoiler alert: I didn’t.  Well, I did eventually, but not at that moment.  Even as I write this, the details of the upcoming week are overwhelming me as I try to keep track of everything: urgent emails that need to be sent, phone calls I need to make, and my kid’s  incomplete homework still sitting on our cluttered desk. These tangible responsibilities combine with my regular tendency to overthink everything, creating quite the mess of thoughts. 

I realized that this thought overload has also contributed to my recent writing struggles.  Specifically, the sheer number of life-related questions I have been muddling through and the subsequent lack of satisfactory answers.  The constant unknown has caused a wave of self-consciousness: Who am I to write if I have more questions than answers?  This thought is fuel for my typical writing anxiety which always tries to lead me to the conclusion that I should leave writing to the people that are more put together. 

As I re-read my previous paragraph, I know it is not the truth. Even through my writing anxiety and writer’s block, through all my brain overload and daily schedule busyness, I am a writer.  To the question, who am I to write? I respond, well, who am I not to?  Yes, my brain is constantly entertaining about a million thoughts and keeping track of another million to-dos.  But, I also love words.  I love weaving thoughts into stories, bringing something out of nothing. I am a writer who carries a notebook in my purse in order to jot random thoughts and ideas for different blogs and stories that may someday be, or not.  My writing gears may be currently stuck, but my writing journey is still worth pursuing.  

So, thanks for sticking with me.  For reading our blog on days when I am profound and on the days when I simply share honestly the challenges of writing.  Thanks for accepting us, even when we take breaks to focus on our families.  And, thanks for welcoming us back even when the writing journey is messy.  I look forward to writing about more questions, answers, and all the unexpected in-between.   

Jessica is a wife, mom, social worker, and writer.  She is co-author of the blog The Unexpected Ever Afters.