Parenting moments that involve teaching and shaping kids’ perspectives amaze me with their opportunities for my own continued growth. Several weeks ago, as my husband and I helped our son navigate a frustrating experience, we gently offered guidance for future interactions. My husband mimicked glasses, holding up circled fingers to his eyes, as he reminded my son the importance of viewing others through a lens of love. Later, as I reflected on the conversation, my mind wandered as I imagined what it might be like if all of us could choose to transform the way we view those around us.

As I thought through the implications and logistics, it occurred to me that this practice requires a present-focused mindset. When viewing others through a lens of love it’s almost impossible to hold on to past grudges and, similarly, it’s difficult to anticipate future grievances. It offers a chance to extend a benefit of the doubt, cast people in the most optimistic light, allow for a greater understanding of someone’s perspective, and de-escalate underlying tension. If we are able to view others this way it can help provide a strong sense of the present moment, a strong sense of who we are called to be, and a strong sense of something extraordinary that surrounds and holds us. After all, love is a supernatural experience and applying such a lens in everyday interactions is a powerful concept. In his book, Anam Cara, author and priest John O’Donohue wrote, “Love is the threshold where divine and human presence ebb and flow into each other.” Viewing others through a lens of love has the potential to dramatically change how we interact with those around us.

Of course, viewing others through a lens of love can be incredibly difficult. At times it is even challenging to apply to those closest to us, much less people outside of our inner circles. And I also think it could risk coming at the expense of appropriate boundaries. Certainly, a lens of love should not ignore hurt or include an artificial glossing over of wrongs, faults, or the difficulties of reality. So, I have been searching for assistance in applying this practice in a healthy way and came across advice in an unexpected place. I have previously shared that my family has been thrust onto a traumatic journey of grief. As we have plodded through the thick and unfamiliar haze, we have sought out many avenues for support, including through the international program GriefShare. Part of this program includes a daily email, one of which included the following message: “Forgiveness does not mean you are relieving someone of responsibility for his or her actions. Forgiveness does not necessarily mean you trust that person. Forgiveness is the act of letting God’s love flow through you.” While this especially spoke to me as I have continued to process my family’s tragedy, it struck me that it could also apply meaningfully to the concept of seeing others through a lens of love. Reworded slightly it provides a powerful image: “[Love] does not mean you are relieving someone of responsibility for his or her actions. [Love] does not necessarily mean you trust that person. [Love] is the act of letting God’s love flow through you.”

The difficulty of this notion of viewing others through a lens of love is not lost on me, especially when extended to individuals who do not easily fit into our personal descriptions of being lovable. I wish I could share that since my husband and I looked through our finger made glasses with our son that I have been able to consistently apply this practice. Of course, the reality is that it will be a lifelong endeavor for me. But, in the weeks since our conversation, it struck me that we could all benefit from doing our best to view others through a lens of love. As 2024 winds down and we prepare to embark on new journeys in 2025, I would encourage you to consider what putting on a lens of love would look like when you view and interact with those around you. In what ways would a lens of love affect your perceptions, your tone, your thoughts, your words? For me, I hope that whatever the future holds, I will continue to practice choosing to view others through the lens of love.

Wendi is co-author of The Unexpected Ever Afters blog and enjoys sipping extra hot coffee, sharing a love of reading with her kids, and exploring bike trails.

photo credit: personal photos