I am still struggling to be okay with being okay. I frequently find myself stuck in a cycle of thinking about “what’s next,” frequently daydreaming about the next big thing. Trying to slow down while inundated with the demand to do the opposite feels like a losing battle.
Over the past few months, I’ve posted about the variation between the theoretical and reality and how, often, the two can be quite incompatible. Sometimes life defies simple answers with its messy complexity and apparent inability to flow according to well-laid plans. Recently, my family embarked on a gardening adventure that reminded me just how …
Just as I need the continued reminder about making a difference through love, I also need frequent reminders how daily actions, interactions, decisions, choices, habits, and routines can have an impact on those around us and, in turn, can ripple out far and wide.
There have been years where my goals were outlined with a clear understanding of success or failure. I focused on an outcome I wanted to pursue and outlined steps to achieve my goals. Not this year. This year I am choosing a different journey. A journey that reminds me that my year doesn’t need to be full of big changes or big successes.
Although the ongoing changes of the past few months have created a season of upheaval for my family, there is something about this transition to Kindergarten that feels so final, even more permanent than a change in address or employment. It is something that we cannot turn back from. The school years have begun.
Ultimately, I guess there’s never really a convenient time to start something new. Procrastination will likely always be a temptation in every life season, and there will always be some inconvenience that seems to delight in delaying the pursuit of a goal. However, as I navigated the procrastination cycle during my family’s most recent move, and as the waiting continued to stretch into its fourth month, I hit a point in the cycle where I realized I couldn’t put my life on hold anymore.
Even through the difficult days, I know that meeting students where they were at, caring for them as they were, encouraging them to be themselves, all of it mattered. It is the students I will miss the most.
Significant change, even good change, is hard. Sometimes it is enough to just get through it.
That even in the midst of endings there is still the hope and excitement that accompanies beginnings. At times the changes have felt a lot like leaving a portion of my heart, with the memories attached, to specific buildings, schools, jobs. But, isn’t that part of life? That we leave a little footprint behind on all of the places we go. And yet, there always seems to be enough left to begin again.
I wondered if the difficulty in navigating the spectrum of emotions added to my struggle with spinning. I was surprised to realize that feeling intense happiness could have contributed to my feeling nauseous.
the unexpected ever afters 